I received quite a lot of positive feedback on my Numbers post in my category called Let’s Talk on my blog, that I would love to do a weekly post, dedicated to just that! Let’s get talking. So what has been happening in my life lately? Well Hudson has adapted really well to his new school. So much so, that he does not want to come home when I pick him up after school. I basically have to make up stories like telling him, that Daddy is outside and Charzi and Minka (his yorkie bro and sis) are waiting for him outside. He is such a sociable little champ that he has already captured so many hearts at the school. Even the janitor and the security guard at the school’s gate, knows his name.
As you know I’ve been on Sabbatical Leave for a year to complete my PhD. I have to officially return back to work next week! And my anxiety levels are through the roof. My levels are high, because I do not like the unknown. I am a planner, and just the thought of going back next week, makes me really want to hide under a rock, or lets just say somewhere behind Table Mountain. But, adult I must! and so it shall be. I have missed lecturing and interacting with my students. I work with some amazing colleagues and I am definitely looking forward to see them again.
Last year I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression. To be honest, I feel like I am still right where I started and still dealing. There are days that are wonderful, then there are days that I feel that I want to hide away. I have a beautiful family, but my mom is not there to share in all the happiness and laughs. The void is getting bigger and bigger. The heartache seems to grow deeper and deeper, and the tears… I often remind myself that time does not heal, but time gives you space to accept the loss. I still find myself asking why? and I still find myself wanting to call my mom, just to hear her voice, one last time. We had a videographer for our wedding, and we were going to watch it on our second wedding anniversary, but, my mom had just passed 19 days prior to our anniversary and I was not ready to see her on the screen. I am still not ready…
Do you often stare in the mirror? do you like/love what you see? Lately when I look at the mirror, the person staring back at me is so sad. A combination of sad and tired, I suppose. One thing that I have learned though, is that the POWER is in my hands. With some reflection, I remembered what made me happy, when I was the happiest, and yes! it was the time that I exercised and nurtured my body. Your inner happiness and health, really does present a mirror image of YOU. It has been two days since the change, and I can honestly say that I am so much happier and motivated to stay on this path.
What are some of the things that you are still dealing with? Have you struggled or are struggling with Post Partum Depression and Anxiety? How do you deal with it? What makes you happy?
Looking forward to reading your comments.