Still dealing

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Let’s Talk

I received quite a lot of positive feedback on my Numbers post in my category called Let’s Talk on my blog, that I would love to do a weekly post, dedicated to just that! Let’s get talking. So what has been happening in my life lately? Well Hudson has adapted really well to his new school. So much so, that he does not want to come home when I pick him up after school. I basically have to make up stories like telling him, that Daddy is outside and Charzi and Minka (his yorkie bro and sis) are waiting for him outside. He is such a sociable little champ that he has already captured so many hearts at the school. Even the janitor and the security guard at the school’s gate, knows his name.

As you know I’ve been on Sabbatical Leave for a year to complete my PhD. I have to officially return back to work next week! And my anxiety levels are through the roof. My levels are high, because I do not like the unknown. I am a planner, and just the thought of going back next week, makes me really want to hide under a rock, or lets just say somewhere behind Table Mountain. But, adult I must! and so it shall be. I have missed lecturing and interacting with my students. I work with some amazing colleagues and I am definitely looking forward to see them again.

Time heals

Last year I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression. To be honest, I feel like I am still right where I started and still dealing. There are days that are wonderful, then there are days that I feel that I want to hide away. I have a beautiful family, but my mom is not there to share in all the happiness and laughs. The void is getting bigger and bigger. The heartache seems to grow deeper and deeper, and the tears… I often remind myself that time does not heal, but time gives you space to accept the loss. I still find myself asking why? and I still find myself wanting to call my mom, just to hear her voice, one last time. We had a videographer for our wedding, and we were going to watch it on our second wedding anniversary, but, my mom had just passed 19 days prior to our anniversary and I was not ready to see her on the screen. I am still not ready…

Mirror Mirror

Do you often stare in the mirror? do you like/love what you see? Lately when I look at the mirror, the person staring back at me is so sad. A combination of sad and tired, I suppose. One thing that I have learned though, is that the POWER is in my hands. With some reflection, I remembered what made me happy, when I was the happiest, and yes! it was the time that I exercised and nurtured my body.  Your inner happiness and health, really does present a mirror image of YOU. It has been two days since the change, and I can honestly say that I am so much happier and motivated to stay on this path.

Still dealing

What are some of the things that you are still dealing with? Have you  struggled or are struggling with Post Partum Depression and Anxiety? How do you deal with it? What makes you happy?

Looking forward to reading your comments.

This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. Jenni

    Hey Cisca, I suffered for 14 months with PND and it was undiagnosed. Then I woke up and realized (thanks to an intervention from my mom) that something was seriously wrong and got the help I needed. It’s now 17 months down that line and I am proud to say I’m off my meds and back to my old self. Yay me! Good luck and remember the more we talk about PND the less stigma there is. Xx

    1. Cisca

      Thank you for the message Jenni- did you read my initial post on my PND?

  2. Modern Zulu Mom

    I’m sending you all my love honey. We all have those periods of sadness and fatigue, which can be hard to breakthrough from. I find that writing really helps, so I believe that this is a positive step and move in the right direction for you. Losing a parent is so tough and you never get over it (I lost my father and years later, I still yearn and cry for him). I have no doubt that your mommy is watching over you.

    So happy to hear that little man is loving school, I’m really not surprised with that bubbly personality.

  3. Leandra Krige

    I just love the way you express yourself!!It makes me not feel alone. I lost my Dad in 2006 in a freak accident. Still not over it but really dont like talking about it as I miss him so much. I was wondering if i hear his voice behind me will i recognize it?? Why is there not a voicemail i can listen too and hear his voice?? I see so much of my Dad in Hunter, the love for animals, determined, social, the love of ice cream and the list go on. It makes me feel a little less lost. That has been playing on my mind the last little bit, missing my Dad.
    Just want to say thank you for always being there and being real. You place so many things into perspective- I dont even think you realize it. I think you wil love being back at work and interact with all your students and colleagues- just like Hudson loves his new school. Cant wait to hear how the first day went!! Lots of hugs x x

  4. Adrienne

    I can’t believe that through all your positive posts, you’re going through this pain 🙁 I just want to extend my arms of comfort for you Friend.
    I have an absent mother, not quite the same thing. But she’s absent none the less. I chose to remember the good days we had, than focus on the fact she choses to not be a part of my family life.
    You are Blessed! Love xx

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